you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
