Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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