well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
