Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
