I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
