What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
