I love black thongs
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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