The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
