do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
