My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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