Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize