I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
