apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Farmville is her only friend.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I have aggressive nipples.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
