Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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