So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
