I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
