The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
