dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
