his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
