i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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