I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
