he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I touched a dick in church today
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
