God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
