she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
