Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
