Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
