Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
