I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
