Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
