my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
