There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
ttyl tear gas
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
