shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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