Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize