I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
