My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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