Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
