life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Randomize
