They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
They took my balls.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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