she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
