i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
