if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
