She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
