I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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