please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
