Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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