I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
