I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
