Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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