I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
