How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I fill condoms, not promises.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
