You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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