Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
