okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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