I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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