Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
