It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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