I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
