I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Buhtt sex?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
