Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
