The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
