On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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