i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize