does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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