I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
