playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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