Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
