Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
