I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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