in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
