Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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