you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
