Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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