so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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