If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
