Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
