Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
