someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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