is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
