By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
