Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
