I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
