Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
