my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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