If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Randomize
