Your dad touched me again.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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