Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
