remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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