I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My ass is underappreciated
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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