I just saw a hot homeless man
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
