You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
