I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
