why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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