If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
