P.S. I can't hear my feet
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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