either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
