the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
