I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
