Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
