You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
