when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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