for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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